


Tradeoffs

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 17:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11651082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: They’re home. What now? Kathryn’s reaction and what Chakotay does about it.





	Tradeoffs

They’d made it. Done it. The seemingly impossible. After seven long years, they were home. That beautiful blue planet was filling the view screen and there was barely a sound to be heard on the bridge. Just the occasional blip from a monitor. Everyone was struck dumb, faces turned to the screen in awed silence. Tom had left for sickbay and Chakotay was at the helm. Seven, Harry and Tuvok were at their stations, all mesmerised by the scene before them. The captain stood up tentatively from her centre seat and walked slowly and deliberately towards the doors of her ready room.

“Commander, you have the bridge.” He swung around to look at her. Was that her voice? It didn’t sound like her. It was hollow and tremulous. He watched his captain as she walked unsteadily through the doors of her ready room. She stepped through and just before the doors slid shut she crumpled. Her legs went from under her and she fell to her knees with a thud, her arms wrapped around herself and her head fell back. Her face was contorted in pain. He almost cried out, the image was so heartrending. Then the doors slid shut. He was horrified, stunned. It took him only a split second to comprehend what he had seen and know where he needed to be.

“Ayala, take the helm, Tuvok, you have the bridge.” He jogged over to the doors that had just shut, quickly keyed in his override and entered before anyone could acknowledge their orders. The doors closed swiftly behind him. He quietly gave instructions to the computer to lock the door and increase sound proofing then he dropped to the floor behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

“Kathryn, it’s alright. I’m here. You’ve done it. We’re home.”

Then it came, the strangled cry, an agonised wail from deep within her. It broke his heart. He held her tight, her whole body shuddering as she held herself and expelled her grief and relief at being home. For seven long years she had kept a tight rein on her emotions and now that they were here, the bindings had ruptured and a torrent of emotions was let loose. He wasn’t quite sure what to do. She was inconsolable. He didn’t even think she was aware he was there. He let go with one arm momentarily to tap his comm. badge.

“Chakotay to the Doctor. I need you in the ready room, immediately.” All credit to the Doctor, he didn’t question the order.

“Yes Commander. I’m on my way.”

Moments later the Doctor appeared through the side doors of the ready room. “I thought it prudent to come through this entrance rather than the bridge.”

He set his med kit on the desk, quickly assessed the situation and loaded a hypo spray. He pressed it against her neck and released the contents. “That was a sedative and a relaxant. They’ll take a few minutes to work.” He fussed about and ran a tricorder over his patient. Chakotay looked at him alarmed as he gently rocked the distressed woman in his arms.

“Don’t look so worried, Commander. This reaction is hardly surprising. Mind you, I thought it might take a little longer to manifest, but our Captain is, as usual, impatient.”

The Doctor seemed unconcerned that their strong willed, competent and controlled captain had practically fallen to pieces on the bridge. Chakotay was horrified at his seeming indifference.

“What brought this on, Doctor? She seemed fine. I thought she’d be overjoyed to be home. It’s the culmination of all she’s wanted for years. You should have told me you expected something like this. I should have been prepared.”

The Doctor pursed his lips and looked at him with an exasperated look on his face. “Yes, you should have, but you’ve been somewhat preoccupied, Commander.” Chakotay’s head snapped up. The Doctor met his gaze candidly. “I didn’t think you were interested in what was going on in the captain’s life and neither did she. You know her well enough to know that on reaching her goal there would be many problems to be addressed. The seven years of captaining Voyager have taken a huge toll on her emotionally, but the last few months have been an enormous strain. There’s been one stressful event after another, and you know she doesn’t look after herself without constant reminders to eat, sleep and regulate her caffeine intake.” He looked at Chakotay and shook his head.

Chakotay looked guiltily at the Doctor. He’d been neglecting those particular duties. “She’s seemed fine, coping with events as she usually does. She’s a strong woman, the strongest I’ve ever known. I’m finding this hard to believe, this reaction.”

Chakotay was still holding her. He was upset and disturbed by her reaction. It wasn’t something that he’d ever equated with the captain, this loss of emotional control.

The Doctor blew out a breath and shook his head. It never ceased to amaze him how stupid human beings could be, even when presented with the evidence. They had the ability to come to a completely erroneous conclusion. It was time to fill the commander in on all she had endured over the past several months and the reason for her distress.

“You know well enough, Commander, that the captain has always been adept at hiding her true feelings from those around her. She’s the consummate actress, able to fool most people, but she’s not indestructible, as much as she’d like us to think so.”

He packed away his instruments and snapped shut the lid of his med kit. Sitting himself on the edge of the desk, he began his lecture. “Just think back over the last couple of months. To start with she was wrenched from a planet she thought was home and from a man whom she cared for deeply, only to find that it was all an illusion. She had to deal with the trauma of her manipulation and guilt of that liaison. Then she had to counsel Seven Of Nine when she was found to be misusing holographic representations of the crew and having intimate relations with a hologram of you.”

Chakotay sputtered. “A hologram of me? She didn’t tell me that.”

“No? Well, she was probably trying to save yours and Seven’s feelings. A tough call under the circumstances.” He looked pointedly at Chakotay. Chakotay looked back at him puzzled, but a small seed of dread took root in his gut.

“Not long after that she thought she’d lost both you and Seven when you crashed another shuttle. All we could find were burned pieces of hull and no sign of you or Seven. She was desperately worried but had to continue negotiations with the Ledosians because it was her duty.

Then she had to bid farewell to Neelix whom she loved dearly. He was also her last link with Kes. Yet another loss. Then came the senseless death of Joe Carey. Did you know she spoke to his wife and sons several times using her own comm. time? She held together marvellously and was a great comfort to his family, but would cry in my arms afterwards. She’s had a very hard time accepting his loss.”

Chakotay was devastated. He’d had no idea. She’d been the picture of composure at Joe’s memorial, but then as the Doctor had said, he’d not been paying attention. The Doctor ran his tricorder over the restless woman in his arms. He’d missed many of the lunches and dinners that he’d normally have had with her in his pursuit of Seven. An invisible hand squeezed his heart at the thought of her having to cope all on her own. He’d left her alone, something he had promised never to do.

The Doctor prattled on. “Then she got to meet her future self, who informed her of the death of 22 crewmen over the next 16 years if she continued on her present course. One of those who died 3 years from now was your wife, Seven of Nine.” Chakotay’s head shot up and he looked at the Doctor in disbelief.

“It was after she was told this that she made the decision to use the Borg transwarp hub to get home. She cares so much for you that she was willing to send herself off to die at the hands of the Borg to ensure your happiness. All these decisions she had to make on her own, and as she agonised over what to do, she watched your burgeoning relationship with Seven. It hasn’t been easy for her to watch the man she loves begin a relationship with a young woman, who for all intents and purposes, is as close to a daughter as she may ever have.

Chakotay was shaken to his core by the Doctor’s words. The man she loves? It couldn’t be. Not after all this time. He had to be mistaken, and Seven, her daughter? On reflection he supposed that description was as valid as any. She’d given Seven her life by removing her from the collective. She’d been reborn thanks to Kathryn Janeway. He’d thought his dalliance with Seven was a secret. The fact he’d wanted it to remain so spoke volumes. He couldn’t believe he had married her. All of a sudden it struck him. The infatuation he felt for Seven was just that, infatuation. It couldn’t compare to the deep bond he had with the woman in his arms. That was the fundamental truth. He loved Kathryn, he always had, and it had just slipped his mind for a time. Seven had been a distraction, a very pleasant one mind you, but really just a distraction. He was intrigued with her metamorphosis from soulless drone to empathetic human. He did care for her, but to have married her? He didn’t think so.

The Doctor had decided he wasn’t going to spare Chakotay’s feelings. As far as he was concerned the two women he cared for most in the world were being either used or misused by the Commander and he wanted to put a stop to it.

“You look shocked, Commander. Yes, she did confide in me on occasions. With your attention elsewhere, she had no-one else. She perhaps would have spoken to you, but you’d pulled away from her and she didn’t wish to impose where she wasn’t wanted. She’s always been much attuned to your sensibilities.” The Doctor looked at him meaningfully. Chakotay’s insides clenched and he actually felt sick to his stomach over his thoughtless and selfish behaviour. He clutched her tighter to him.

“There is more of course. She also found out that Tuvok is suffering from a severe neurological disorder that could only be treated here in the Alpha Quadrant, so if her plan failed he would have lost his cognitive abilities over a relatively short period of time and insanity would have followed quickly after.” The Doctor looked at Chakotay to gauge his reaction before he continued. The Commander was looking pale and dismayed. Good, thought the Doctor. So he should be.

“Before our precipitous return to the Alpha Quadrant, she had been working day and night to insure some sort of resolution to the Maquis and Equinox issue with Starfleet. She had threatened to resign if they didn’t give you all immunity from prosecution, but from what I know there has been no word, so I think you’ll find that the moment we entered Federation Space, our captain officially resigned her commission. So, as you can imagine, this type of reaction is hardly surprising. A person, even a stubborn one like our captain, can only endure so much before the mind and body are overwhelmed.”

Kathryn had relaxed in his arms and seemed to be dropping into sleep. Her head was resting on his shoulder and just the occasional shudder ran through her body. He looked down at her face, and saw her properly for the first time in ages. She was still beautiful even after all these years and all this anguish. Anguish he had caused. Looking at her he was assaulted by a rush of memories from their years together. She was such an integral part of his life and even though he had been considering starting a new life with Seven, the thought of not being part of Kathryn’s life, or having her as part of his, was something he couldn’t even begin to contemplate. He had just taken it for granted that she’d be there if he needed her, just as she had been over the years. His dalliances with passing aliens were legendary and at times disastrous, but she was always there afterwards with a kind word and forgiveness. He’d taken it for granted that she’d always be there. He realised now that what he’d been asking of her was totally unreasonable.

He remembered how he felt when on Quarra she told him she was moving in with Jaffen. It was like a gut punch. How could he have expected her to continue to be by his side while he was with Seven? It was completely out of order. He caressed her hair and smoothed it back from her forehead. He had sat next to her everyday on the bridge for seven years and that was about to end. The seed of dread expanded in his chest. He’d been so preoccupied with Seven, trying to prove God knows what, that he hadn’t given any consideration to what Kathryn had been going through. He’d been busy living in the moment and as usual, she’d been looking at the big picture and considering their futures. Trust Kathryn to realise what Starfleet might do to her crew and have plans and contingencies in place to deal with the problems.

The Doctor watched as Chakotay took a long look at his captain and could see the dawning light of realization on his face of what he’d been willing to sweep aside and almost lose. The Doctor was quite pleased with himself. Everything should be alright now and he was there to look after Seven if she was upset over the end of her relationship with the Commander.

“I can take her from you now if you like, Commander. She’ll sleep for a time and I’m sure you’ve somewhere else to be.” Chakotay looked at the Doctor, gutted by what he’d learned, but irritated with the Doctor’s attitude. Then he realised how much the captain meant to this man as well. She’d played a pivotal role in the Doctor’s growth from program to person. She’d encouraged his attempts to surpass the limits of his programming, supported him through his sometimes bumbling attempts to gain his humanity and had forgiven him when he had made those all too human mistakes. Through her tutelage he had become the decent, caring and at times flawed ‘man’ that stood before him. The Doctor and the captain had become close friends and confidantes. In turn, the Doctor had cared for her, spending the last seven years looking after her, nagging her and ensuring that she took care of herself. The Doctor was almost as protective of her as Chakotay had been. Had been. That was the operative. He had failed dismally in his job of late. What a fool he’d been. When she’d needed him the most, he’d abandoned her. He was thoroughly ashamed of himself. He had some serious apologies to make and plenty of hard work to atone for his arrogance. All their lives were going to change profoundly over the next few weeks. He made a promise to himself and to her that he’d be there to support her and help to ease her burdens as he’d pledged to do all those years ago.

The Doctor bent down to take her from him. “It’s alright, Doctor. I have her.”

The Doctor stood up and looked him squarely in the eye, deadly serious.

“I hope for her sake that’s true, Commander. She’s going to need you over the next few months. I imagine debriefings are going to be arduous, especially for her.” He moved to help the Commander. “Perhaps if you lay her down on the couch, she’ll rest more comfortably.”

Chakotay accepted the Doctor’s help as he stood and carried his precious cargo to the couch. He lay her down and replicated a blanket to place over her. She mumbled something in her sleep as he placed a pillow under her head. Her face screwed up and she whimpered as he tucked her hair behind her ear. He spoke softly.

“Oh, Kathryn. I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” Just as he was moving down to the desk, the captain was hailed from the Bridge. Chakotay tapped his comm. badge. “Harry, the captain is indisposed at the moment. What’s the problem?”

Harry was unfazed. “Commander, it’s Admiral Paris hailing the captain. He wants to speak with her now.”

He looked over at the Doctor who shrugged his shoulders and moved out of range of the monitor. “Put it through to the ready room, Harry. I’ll speak to him.”

The face of Tom’s father appeared on the monitor. “Where’s Captain Janeway, Commander? I need to speak with her immediately.” He was not happy.

“The captain isn’t able to speak with you at the moment, Admiral, but I’ll be sure to pass any information on to her when she’s available. Is there something I can help you with?”

Admiral Paris looked exasperated. “Did you know anything about her resignation, Commander? Did you put her up to this? It won’t work, you know?”

“Admiral, I knew nothing of her plans. Had I known, I’d have refused to let her take such drastic action. I only found out a matter of minutes ago. I would be happy for you to rescind her resignation and take my word that I’ll take the bulk of the punishment for the Maquis. I’ll gladly give myself over to Starfleet if you can ensure the captain and other crew, Maquis and Equinox, will not be prosecuted.” This was one way he could ensure her safety. The Doctor was looking at him aghast.

“Commander, I’ll get back to you. Paris out.” The Admiral’s face faded from the screen.

“What are you doing Commander? The captain went to a good deal of trouble to guarantee your freedom. This will do her more harm than good. She’ll be devastated if you’re imprisoned, and all this,” he indicated the sleeping woman “will have been for naught.”

Chakotay was angry, mostly with himself and at Starfleet, but the Doctor was as good a target as any. He moved right up to the Doctor and faced off with him.

“How could you imagine that I’d let her throw away her career, her life, to keep me out of prison? At least this way I can protect her, as I should have been doing all along. There’s no way in the world any of the Maquis crew would want her to sacrifice herself, and the Equinox crew are prepared to face the consequences of their actions. Trust her to take it all on her shoulders. I could just throttle her sometimes. I could never get her to understand that this wasn’t all her fault.” He was standing beside her with a look of weary sadness on his face. He turned around. “Doctor, I’ll leave her in your care for now. I’ve some people to see.” He made to leave the ready room but stopped. His voice softened. “Thank you for looking after her and for making me see the truth.” He strode out the door leaving the Doctor shaking his head with a worried look on his face.

His first stop was the Astrometrics lab and Seven of Nine. He was determined to end his relationship with her. He couldn’t believe he’d let it go on so long. Talk about a wake up call. He had almost lost Kathryn through his own ridiculous short-sightedness, something he seemed to have an outstanding propensity for. He entered the Astrometrics lab. Seven was at her console, looking tall, beautiful and aloof. She turned around and gave him a small smile. “Good afternoon Com…Chakotay. May I assume this is not a work related visit?” She expected him to smile, but he looked very sombre. A flutter of concern niggled her insides. He didn’t look like someone bearing happy news.

“Seven, I’d like to speak to you.” He came around and stood in front of her console. “Now that we’re back in the Alpha Quadrant, circumstances have changed. I feel that our relationship, though it may have survived in the Delta Quadrant, won’t survive here. I’ve been remiss in my duties over the last few weeks and as a consequence, a situation has arisen that should not have occurred. I’ve enjoyed the time we’ve spent together, but I don’t see a future for us now that we’re home. I hope you understand, and that we can be friends.” He looked at her, really seeing her for the first time. He’d been the ultimate fool. She was just a girl, beautiful and bright, but really only a child in so many ways. He was almost twice her age. What an old fool he’d been. She looked shocked for a moment but recovered quickly.

“I am sorry if I have not lived up to your expectations, Commander. This has been a new experience for me, one which I have found at times difficult and awkward. If I have offended you in any way, I apologise. If you don’t mind my asking, what did I do that made you change your mind about our relationship? I have studied the captain and tried to emulate the characteristics that you seemed to admire most in her. Did I miscalculate in some way?”

Spirits, no wonder he thought he was in love with her. He was just in love with parts of Kathryn, but embodied in Seven. God, he’d been every sort of fool. He wanted to howl out his anguish at how he’d treated Kathryn. He swallowed his sorrow.

“No, Seven. It was nothing you did or didn’t do. You’re a wonderful person and you couldn’t have chosen a more appropriate mentor than the captain, but I can’t love you as you deserve, and now that we’re home, the opportunities for you are boundless. I’d only tie you down.” He felt affection for this woman-child, almost paternal in nature. Perhaps that’s what it had always been, but he hadn’t realised it till now.

“I have to go back to the bridge. Are you going to be alright?” She nodded her head. “If you need someone to talk to, I know the Doctor would be more that happy to oblige. I’d like us to remain friends, if we can. The next few weeks are going to be difficult and we’re all going to need one another.”

She smiled at him again, this time a genuine friendly smile. She was also relieved to an extent. She had been little out of her depth with the Commander. He was a deeply spiritual man, complex and in many ways too worldly for her first foray into a romantic relationship. The fact that she was not particularly upset about the ‘break-up’ made her realise that the feelings she had for the Commander were not as deep as she’d thought. It had been interesting. She’d discuss the situation with the Doctor. He understood her and would no doubt have advice for her. She had witnessed the captain’s strange behaviour on the bridge earlier and Chakotay’s reaction. She had an inkling that perhaps the nature of their relationship was about to change. She was pleased for them both.

“Chakotay, I would be very pleased for us to remain friends. I have enjoyed our time together. I hope you and the captain will find the peace you deserve. You should make each other very happy.”

He did a double take as he turned to go. He swung back around and looked at Seven. “Chakotay, your feelings for the captain are not a secret and now that we are home, you are both free to pursue them. I am happy for you both.” She genuinely was pleased for them. He smiled at his now ex-girlfriend and accepted her well wishes.

“Thank you, Seven. Let’s hope it all works out. There are a few hurdles to get over first, but we’ll manage as we always do.” He turned and left the lab.

That had gone much better than he expected. She was truly a remarkable young woman.

He now needed to speak to Tuvok to figure out what to do about the Maquis and Equinox situation and consider options. He wanted to tackle this before Kathryn woke and started throwing her weight around. There had to be a way to ensure that no-one finished up in prison or worse.

As he walked back on to the Bridge, he made his way over to the Tactical station. “Tuvok, could you join me in the briefing room?”

“Certainly, Commander.” Tuvok had his suspicions as to the nature of this meeting. He had been aware of the captain’s ‘negotiations’ with Starfleet regarding the Maquis and Equinox members of the crew. The two men entered the briefing room and stood on opposite sides of the table. Chakotay turned and looked at the Vulcan officer.

“Do you have a sense of déjà vu about this, Tuvok?” Chakotay was remembering a time about 3 years ago when they meet in this very same room to thwart another attempt by their captain to martyr herself for her crew. Tuvok inclined his head in acknowledgement.

“She causes an inordinate amount of trouble for herself and those around her.” Chakotay shook his head and puffed out a breath.

“Astonishing really for someone so small.” He looked back at Tuvok. “I don’t know if you were aware of it, but the Captain suffered an emotional collapse just after we arrived. She’s sedated in her ready room at the moment. I would ask you not to mention this to anyone.” Tuvok acquiesced, not the least bit surprised at the news. He’d been aware of her tenuous emotional state of the last few months and had been keeping a careful eye on her. This collapse, in his mind, was inevitable. Chakotay started pacing the length of the conference table.

“Were you aware, Tuvok, of what arrangements she’d made with Starfleet regarding the Maquis and Equinox crew? Apparently her resignation was forwarded to Admiral Paris as soon as we entered the Alpha Quadrant, effective immediately. I spoke to the Admiral and told him to rescind her resignation and that I would face any consequences relevant to the Maquis. The Equinox crew are probably in for a dishonourable discharge, which I’m sure they’re aware of. I know that the captain’s plan was to basically blackmail Starfleet into releasing all the crew by sacrificing herself, but I can’t let her do that.”

Tuvok stood listening impassively. “Commander, has it occurred to you that you may have no choice as to what the captain does or doesn’t do once we are back on Earth. You must remember that she is far more versed in the machinations of Starfleet than you or I. You may find that her plan was not just an attempt at martyrdom but a well thought out strategy to out manoeuvre the Admiralty and the Federation Council. Our captain is a consummate tactician and strategist and if you’ll forgive me for being blunt, your act of machismo with Admiral Paris was most likely prompted by guilt rather than careful thought and planning.”

Chakotay held himself back. Machismo? He’d like to show Tuvok a thing or two about machismo, but now was not the time. He took some deep breaths and tried to think rationally. “I understand what you’re saying, Tuvok, and you may be right, but I won’t let her sacrifice herself or her career for me or the Maquis. I imagine Admiral Paris will be contacting me soon regarding my offer. I’d like to have the negotiations complete before Kathryn wakes.”

“Too late, Commander.” Chakotay swung around to find his captain and chief trouble maker standing just inside the doors of the briefing room. She didn’t take her eyes off Chakotay. “That will be all, Tuvok. I wish to speak to the Commander alone. I’ll apprise you of the situation once I have this sorted out.” Tuvok turned and left the room as the captain made her way around the table to confront her XO. She had scrubbed up remarkably well thought Chakotay, but there was still a strange look around her eyes that worried him.

“What the hell did you think you were doing, Commander, in telling Admiral Paris that you would take responsibility for the Maquis and Equinox crew and hand yourself over to Starfleet? Last time I looked I was still commanding this ship.”

“Not from what I understand. Admiral Paris contacted the ship to ask about your resignation. If that’s the case then that makes me acting captain and you a civilian, so you can get off your high horse, Kathryn, and allow us to carry some of the load.”

“Chakotay, do you think I’m that naïve or foolish to just hand myself over to Starfleet without a backup plan? Surely you know me better than that.” She turned towards the viewport and muttered to herself. “Then again maybe you don’t.”

He moved towards her. “Kathryn?”

She turned around sharply and looked at him with a pained look on her face. “Nothing Commander.” She huffed out a breath all business again.

“When my so called resignation was forwarded to the Admiralty, all our logs and mission reports were sent to a friend of mine who is Chief Editor for the Federation News Service. I asked him to hold this information and to release it if any of our crew were arrested. We hold all the aces, Commander. We have this ship with all its unique technology that Starfleet want to get their hands on, and we have the only personnel in the Alpha Quadrant that knows how it works. We have vital information regarding the Borg, Species 8472 and other potential enemies of the Federation. We have Icheb with his neurolytic virus that can defeat the Borg and we have Seven of Nine.” She looked at Chakotay with that look in her eyes again. “She’ll be indispensable to the Federation with her vast knowledge from the collective.” She took herself over to the windows again and watched the familiar stars.

Chakotay was making his way over to her when her communicator signalled. “Bridge to Janeway.”

“Yes, Harry?”

“Captain, Admiral Paris wants to speak with you. Shall I route it though to the Briefing Room?”

“Yes. Thanks, Harry.” Chakotay moved to the side of the room out of visual range of the comm. console. The monitor on the far wall came to life with the face of Owen Paris.

“Katie, it’s good to see you. You look well. Commander Chakotay said you were indisposed earlier. I’m pleased to see it was nothing serious.”

Kathryn inclined her head, the consummate professional. She wasn’t sure if being dead inside constituted serious or not, but now was not the time to think or deal with her personal problems. These manoeuvres and negotiations were going to be delicate to say the least, and she had to keep her wits about her. She was angry with herself for succumbing earlier and she wasn’t about to let it happen again. She steeled herself.

“Admiral Paris, it’s good to see you, Sir. I can’t tell you how glad my crew and I are to be home. It’s been a long seven years. We’re very much looking forward to seeing our homes and families.” She moved closer to the screen. “Perhaps you could give me some idea of when my crew can disembark. They’re anxious to see their loved ones.” Chakotay had to marvel at her. She was astonishing really, and after all she’d been through today. She was taking them on, establishing ownership of the crew. They belonged to her and no-one was going to lay a hand on them. Paris was no fool though, he was aware of the ploy. He had always had a soft spot for Katie Janeway, but he knew not to underestimate her. He was concerned however, by the haunted look in her eyes. She certainly didn’t look glad. This was not the same Kathryn Janeway he had spoken to only a few months ago. He wondered what had happened to her since then to have doused the light in her eyes.

“They should be able to see their families fairly soon. I’m talking with the Admiralty at the moment, trying to get a stay of a few days before you all have to front up for debriefings. I did however, want to speak with you about the Maquis crew and also the Equinox Five. Commander Chakotay made an interesting offer earlier, wanting to take the punishment for the entire Maquis crew if you and the rest of the crew were given immunity from prosecution.” Kathryn darted her eyes at Chakotay to stay back as he stepped forward to say something.

“Yes, I heard about that. He had no authority to do that and I’d like his statement to be stricken from the records. He’s the best First Officer I’ve ever had the privilege of working with, and he does take his job very seriously, but he can be somewhat overprotective of his captain. I take it you can ensure that he’s not going to be arrested.”

“Yes, Kathryn. In fact, it looks like no-one will be prosecuted or taken into custody. The outstanding warrants for the Maquis have been revoked. The Equinox crew will have to stand a general court-martial but will be honourably discharged. The Federation Council and Starfleet brass are in agreement for once. Voyager’s return from the Delta Quadrant couldn’t have come at a more opportune time. We’re still reeling from the Dominion War. The devastation and loss of life has made recovery a difficult and slow process. Voyager’s return has been the one bright spark on a bleak horizon and there are plans to make your homecoming a huge celebration. So Katie, my girl, you can rest easy and tell your friend at Fed News he won’t need all that information. I’m looking forward to seeing you and that overly efficient First Officer of yours. I admire him already. Looking after Kathryn Janeway can’t be an easy job. Well done, young man.”

Chakotay stepped into view. “Thank you, Admiral. It has had its moments.”

Admiral Paris let out a guffaw. “I bet it has, son, I bet it has. She was my Science Officer for many years and I know exactly what she’s like. Katie, I’ll see you soon. And relax. You did well. The worst is over and you’re home. Paris out.”

Chakotay stepped forward very pleased with the outcome. Kathryn stepped behind a chair to avoid him.

“Well done, Kathryn. You did it. We’re home free. You must be so pleased.” He was smiling at her, obviously overjoyed at the thought of not being arrested and taken from Seven.

“Yes, Commander. I’m very pleased for you. Would you make the announcement to the crew? I’m sure they’re wondering what’s going on. You have the Bridge.” She turned again to look out the viewport, waiting for the swish of the doors to tell her he’d left. Troubled, he made his way to the doors. They opened but he turned again just before they shut. He watched her, now that she thought she was alone. Her command demeanour vanished and her shoulders slumped. Closing her eyes, she leant forward resting her forehead against the viewport. She brought her clenched fists up on either side of her head and pushed them into the clear panel. She was still so distressed when she should have been elated. He quietly made his way over to her. Standing behind her, he placed his hands gently over her clenched fists. She swung around with a start. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d gone.”

“I’m not going anywhere while you’re still so upset. Kathryn, what’s wrong? Please tell me. I love you and I want you to be happy.” He was so worried about her. Surely this wasn’t all about him and Seven. She’d never given any indication that she cared for him so deeply to be this distressed, but perhaps he was wrong.

She looked at him with tear filled eyes. “Do you Chakotay? Do you love me? I thought that you and Seven were…”

“No, not anymore, and it was never all that serious, Kathryn. I’m so sorry. I love you and I let you down. I left you alone when I promised I’d always be by your side. Can you forgive me for being such a fool?” He was very close to her. He lifted his hand and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I’ve been so worried about you.” He pulled her to him in a gentle embrace. He stroked her back and nuzzled her hair. She held on tight to him. Relief and contentment flooded her being and all the tension slowly ebbed away. She relaxed into his arms. He was gently rubbing her back and shoulders, just enjoying being close to her. She was revelling in their closeness. This was something she had waited seven years to savour. His broad chest and strong arms made her feel so safe. At last she was home. He stroked her hair and brought his mouth close to her ear. “What are you going to do now, Kathryn?”

She pulled back a little, looked up into his eyes and saw all she needed to see. His dark eyes were shining with love and devotion. A bubble of joy swelled in her chest. “Do you mean for the rest of my life ‘now’ or right this minute ‘now’?” She was smiling and he was so relieved. Her blue eyes again glittered with life and love.

“Either.” He had one arm wrapped around her waist and his other hand was caressing the side of her face and running his fingers through her hair. Her hands were creeping up his chest.

“Well I haven’t decided on the rest of my life yet, although I do have some ideas I’d like to discuss with you. But right now, I’d like to kiss you.” Her eyes darkened with desire.

He moved a little closer. “Sounds like a plan.”

She moved her hands up over his shoulders and rested them on the back of his head. She moved up and he leaned down and their lips met in a searing kiss. Just outside the viewport multicoloured phaser flares began exploding as many of the ships in the flotilla escorting Voyager home began their celebrations.

They both turned and looked out the window. Kathryn burst out laughing. “You have got to be kidding. Fireworks? What next? Crashing waves, trains going through tunnels and swelling orchestral music? I feel like I’m in one of Tom’s cheesy holonovels.”

Chakotay chuckled along with her, holding her close with his arms wrapped firmly around her. “It only seems fitting really. I’d have expected nothing less than fireworks for our first kiss. To be honest, I’m surprised the warp core didn’t breach or the gravity plating buckle. It’s a pretty momentous occasion.”

“Chakotay, shut up.” She dragged his head down for another Earth shattering kiss. This time when they parted, breathing in short gasps, they looked into each others eyes and saw all the love and desire they had hidden for all these years. It was exhilarating and arousing, but duty called. They had a ship to get home. Chakotay gently kissed her lips and stepped back, not wanting to break the connection, but knowing that they had to get back to the bridge before Tuvok sent out search party.

“Kathryn, as much as I’d love to stay in here and show you all the wicked things I’ve thought of doing to you on the briefing room table, we really should go. We need to tell the crew what’s happening and finalise reports. But after that there’s a bottle of champagne in my quarters with our names on it if you’re interested.” She looked deeply into his eyes and holding him around his hips, she ground their lower bodies together. They both groaned.

“You’re not the only one that had fantasies about this table, Commander, but you’re right. We need to get back to the bridge. Lead the way. Oh, and Chakotay, I love you too, in case you hadn’t guessed.” She took his hand and studied his fingers. She looked up at his dear face again. “The Doctor told me what happened earlier today. Thank you for looking after me. I’m glad you were there.”

He put his arm around her shoulders as they walked to the doors. “I intend on being ‘there’ a lot if you’ll have me? I love you, Kathryn Janeway, and I always will.”

She gently caressed the side of his face. “Let’s go home, my angry warrior.”

They walked out on to the bridge together, arm in arm, welcomed by the smiling faces of their crew.

- _fin_ -


End file.
